My cat Kenny is a special little guy.
He came from the shelter where he spent the first 3 months of his life never seeing outside and his feet never touching anything but a concrete floor.
I chose him because all the other kittens were playing like crazy things, oblivious to the human trying to stroke them. Kenny however, was playing but easily brought himself back to acknowledge me and come say hi.
This is a cat with good social skills.
Needless to say he was overwhelmed and a bit timid when we brought him home. The weird looking cat from next door growled at him through the screen which scared him enough to not go in that room for quite a while.
When he became more settled, Kenny somehow made friends with the weird looking, growly cat and we would see them playing in our yard, and trilling happily when they saw each other. These guys had become bestys.
Kenny has a way of winning everyone over. But I didn’t know how he did it.
A few weeks ago I watched Kenny in action.
The new neighbourhood cat is fierce. It attacked my 36kg labrador and a stocky red healer – both at once while they were playing. WTF! These are 2 huge dogs barrelling around. That is one fierce cat.
Anyway, back to Kenny. As I watched, Kenny crept reasonably close to the fierce cat and then calmly stayed there. He looked quite relaxed and confident. I guess because his belief says that he will make friends with this creature.
He has succeeded in making friends with everyone so far.
Kenny has the quiet expectation that he will be liked and that he will make friends.
What do you think would happen if YOU had that same expectation?
So not an expectation that you have to be rowdy, loud, wagging your tail enthusiastically to show how much you like people like a dog might. That of course, is not everyone’s style. But a quiet confidence that you will make friends. That you will be liked. That it might take some time but you can be calm and patient about it.
I quite like the idea of this. A lot of people think they have to be the life of the party to be liked. Or be super interesting. Or funny. Or really really extraverted for people to like them.
But what if it also worked Kenny-style? That you can be gentle and patient and calm. And willing to wait for things to develop in their own time.
If you approached new people in that way, would you be more confident trying something new? Would you be more confident meeting new people? Would your expectations of yourself be more realistic socially?
Try giving Kenny-Style attitude a go. I think it might work pretty well for you.
