How often did you hear these things growing up?: Be kind. Be helpful. Think about other people. Don’t upset other people. It’s good to put others first. And how normal does this seem to you?: Mum did everything for us. She was always doing things for other people. She very rarely did anything for herself. […]
Who’s Your Tiger?
You have probably heard me talk about FFF (fight/flight/freeze) response. If not here’s a recent blog: the 3 F’s. If you can’t be bothered reading that, here’s a quick summary. We’re being stalked by a tiger, the FFF response is activated. Let’s say we decide flight has the greatest chance of keeping us alive. In […]
Spread the Joy: How Random Acts of Kindness Make Sooooo Many People Happy
If you listen to the news – or read it, or watch it, or in my case have your partner tell you about it – you would think that the world was turning into a mean, stingy place where everyone is out to rip you off or do you harm. Of course these things happen. […]
Experiences or Things? What Makes you Happier?
Who doesn’t love a new ‘thing’? It’s exciting. It’s shiny. It’s novel. We’re so excited. Our brain is flipping out on a dopamine high, as it does for other rewarding, novel experiences. And then…. it’s not. The novelty wears off and we go back to feeling normal. It’s not a new car anymore. Or a […]
The 3F’s: Fight. Flight. F….
I bet most of you have heard of the fight/flight response. You know – you think you can overpower your attacker, you fight. You think they can overpower you, you run. And various versions of flee or stand your ground responses in between. But have you heard of the third F? I asked a client […]
Who Likes to Talk About Emotions?
Well obviously not men. And while this can be incredibly frustrating for all us women, there are some pretty good reasons for it. For starters our brains are configured differently. Women are geared for chatting and maintaining relationships while doing the gathering part of hunter gatherer. We’re usually the main caregivers for children so we […]
Do You Need a Nervous Breakdown?
Technically nervous breakdowns don’t exist. But I bet you know what they are and may even know someone who’s had one. These days they’d be called a depressive episode or the onset of an anxiety disorder but I think nervous breakdown is probably a better term. When you endure relentless stress there’s a whole heap […]
Why Do We Remember Criticism over Praise?
You’re out meeting new people, chatting and laughing. Everyone has been complimentary, commenting on how lovely you are, saying you must catch up again and asking for your number. You feel on top of the world. And then you over hear someone say “I don’t know what people see in her. I just don’t rate […]
How to Build Your Emotional Intelligence
If you want to give yourself the best chance in life, working on your emotional intelligence is a must. Emotional intelligence (EQ) has been found to be related to all kinds of fabulous things like – better relationships (romantic and platonic), better academic and work performance, and fewer mental health issues. There is even some […]
How to Avoid Resentment
You know what it’s like – you did that thing you didn’t want to do. You bit your tongue when you really wanted to speak up. You spent money you didn’t have at someone else’s insistence. You say things to yourself like – don’t rock the boat; it’s not worth upsetting someone over; it doesn’t […]
Self-Talk Your Way to Self-Esteem
Language is powerful. Stories are meaningful. What we say to, and about, ourselves is incredibly influential. And that language and those stories are mostly influential on how we feel about ourselves. If we use negative self-talk we’re writing a story of ourselves as someone less than. Less worthy. Less capable. Less likeable. Less everything. Eventually […]
Improve Your Self-Esteem – Kill Comparison
Comparison can be the absolute killer of self-esteem. Comparison makes us judge. Comparison makes us see ourselves as less than. Or, at best, see ourselves as more than (which strangely doesn’t feel that good). If we want to get control of comparison, we need to understand what it is and what it does. There are […]
How to Build Your Self-Esteem
How often do you hear “that really damaged my self-esteem” (or similar)? Well maybe you don’t but I do. On a very regular basis. Self-esteem is a funny thing. We know what it feels like when we don’t have enough but do we really know what it means when we do? If you knew that […]
2 Very Cool Things to Do
1. Do you ever get really excited about things then fail to follow through? Or plan on changing something you do but kind of forget about it after a while? How about big dreams for the future, a career path, a family, saving the world? Then what you might want to do is write your […]
Do You Need an Attitude Adjustment – Part 3
In Part 1 I wrote about how the Attitudes of Mindfulness might help us deal with uncomfortable situations. In Part 2 I wrote about how they can protect us from dissatisfaction with our life. Today I’m going to talk about how the Attitudes of Mindfulness can be applied to how we treat ourselves. Too often […]
